“Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.” —Matthew 5:48
This command was given by Jesus Christ, the Son of the Living God, to His disciples during His Sermon on the Mount. These words have become both a guide and a weight in my life. They are a call to become whole, yet often understood as a demand to be flawless. From the time I was young, I believed that perfection meant sprinting toward some unreachable finish line. I chased after the perfect grade, the perfect image, and the perfect future. I would tell myself that if I moved fast enough, satisfaction would follow. Yet the finish line always moved. The chase never ended.
Perfectionism has become a cultural reflex disguised as ambition. Striving for excellence can strengthen resilience and achievement when kept in balance. But when success depends on flawlessness, it begins to erode mental health and self-worth. Often, the faster we run, the less grounded we feel.
Forms of Perfectionism
There are two forms of perfectionism: adaptive and maladaptive. In a Brigham Young University study, G. E. Kawika Allen and other researchers say that adaptive perfectionism is healthy, positive perfectionism. People with adaptive perfectionism tend to have skills that help them reframe the meaning of difficult situations, which can help them regulate emotions. Students with higher levels of positive perfectionism tend to set high but realistic standards while remaining optimistic. This builds adaptability, allowing individuals to better plan, explore, adjust, and handle transitions.
Zig Serafin, the CEO of Qualtrics, says one character trait he looks for in employees is balancing ambition with focus. For students preparing to enter the business world, it is important to utilize adaptive tendencies. This allows them to be confident and move forward with focus.
Maladaptive perfectionism is toxic perfectionism and can be detrimental to one’s health and well-being. According to the same BYU study, students with higher levels of maladaptive perfectionism “set unrealistically high standards and are never satisfied with their performance.” This can lead to decision paralysis and fear of failure.
Figure 1 illustrates responses from 278 undergraduate and graduate students from 15
Midwest institutions.
Figure 1. Not All Perfectionists Are the Same: Understanding College Student Perfectionism
Original Graphic. Source: Illinois State University: Communication Science and Disorders Commons
Figure 1 depicts findings from Ann R. Beck and other researchers. The majority of students fall under adaptive (33%) and maladaptive (41%) perfectionistic tendencies.
Perfectionism exhibits itself through a number of behaviors and personality traits that tend to be more extreme than those exhibited by a typical high achiever. Some of the ways perfectionism shows up in everyday life include unrealistic standards, high self-criticism, hyperfixation on results, fear of failure, overexertion, and procrastination.
Gender Differences
The distinction between healthy striving and harmful self-imposed pressure is apparent along gender lines. There are clear differences between the responses of men and women regarding perfectionism. Women are more likely than men to equate imperfection with inadequacy. Men, on the other hand, often treat perfection as a competition, proof of dominance, or a display of performance capability. According to The National Library of Medicine, women’s perfectionistic tendencies are closely tied to shame and self-disgust, particularly when appearance or performance falls short of expectation.
Figure 2 illustrates the difference between men and women in various categories of perfectionism. Women are rated higher in nearly all categories.
Figure 2. Gender Differences in Perfectionistic Tendencies
Original Graphic. Source: PRWeb (Press release site sharing company, research, and industry news updates.)
Figure 2 presents data showing that women are more likely to tie their self-worth to
perfection and fear being seen as imperfect. The study highlights how societal expectations and internal pressures contribute to higher perfectionism-related anxiety among women, especially in academic and professional contexts.
Women being more maladaptive becomes even more pronounced in environments shaped by high moral and cultural ideals. At universities like BYU, this pressure is amplified by cultural expectations surrounding gender, spirituality, and success. Women in BYU’s Marriott School of Business report that Latter-day Saint ideals of modesty and excellence sometimes compound perfectionistic anxiety, especially in male-dominated environments.
Perfectionism may not take the same form for everyone, but the race is exhausting either way.
Source: NPR
Perfectionism in the Context of Faith
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints teaches that grace is a divine enabling power made possible through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Grace strengthens and helps individuals to overcome weakness and grow spiritually. It is both forgiving and empowering, allowing people to progress toward eternal life as they combine their own efforts with divine help.
G. E. Kawika Allen and other researchers at BYU examined the relationship between perfectionism, religious commitment, and well-being among Latter-day Saint individuals. Findings indicated that adaptive perfectionism, defined by setting high personal standards grounded in purpose and growth, was positively associated with well-being when accompanied by strong religious commitment.
In contrast, maladaptive perfectionism, shown by self-critical evaluations and fear of imperfection, was correlated with higher levels of scrupulosity and anxiety related to religious self-doubt. These results suggest that the motivation underlying perfectionistic tendencies plays a critical role in determining whether these tendencies promote spiritual and psychological health or contribute to distress.
The difference lies in where the striving is anchored. When it grows from discipleship and divine potential, the chase for perfection transforms into progression.
Faith reminds us that becoming whole is not about performing flawlessly but about trusting the process of change. In this light, imperfection becomes evidence of effort, not failure. For students preparing to enter the business world, setbacks can be seen as learning opportunities and resilience can be built through grace.
The Savior’s invitation to “be ye therefore perfect” was never meant to burden; it was meant to guide, allowing us to run toward Him rather than away from ourselves.
Suggestions to Develop Healthy Habits
Slowing the chase takes practice; it means learning to strive without breaking under the weight of expectation. Both research and faith offer ways to do this.
#1 Reframe: Ask “Was it meaningful?” instead of “Was it perfect?”
Reframing is a shift that redirects energy from appearance to purpose, creating room for growth. The goal should be progress, not flawlessness. Goal-setting and structured reflection were found to significantly decrease anxiety and improve well-being among perfectionistic participants. Rather than lowering standards, this mental shift teaches flexibility and allows one to learn when to strive and when to rest. This balance creates sustainability in regard to achievement instead of pressure and intensity. This small shift changes the entire trajectory of effort. It turns performance into purpose, allowing mistakes to become teachers instead of verdicts.
#2 Self-Compassion: “Say to yourself what you’d say to others in the same situation.”
The Anxiety and Depression Association of America says that adaptive perfectionism can harness motivation when balanced with self-compassion and flexibility. People who practice self-kindness experience less anxiety and burnout, even when pursuing ambitious goals. They also recover more quickly from setbacks and sustain motivation longer than those driven by self-criticism. The Harvard Division of Continuing Education suggests, “One way to do that is to say to yourself what you’d say to others in the same situation.”
#3 Ask others to help reset expectations
Others want you to do your best and be your best
People may try to be perfect because they don’t want to let others down or lose respect and
love. Reset expectations by reaching out to friends and family. They can help you see that even if you aren’t perfect, you’ll still be loved and cared for. Those in your support system want you to not only do your best but be your best.
Race to the End
The pursuit of perfection reflects our desire to become something more. However, when perfection becomes an unattainable destination rather than part of our progression, the chase
consumes us.
Perfectionism can drive excellence when guided by purpose and perspective. This looks different for both men and women working to advance in the business world. Either way, playing to adaptive strengths within perfectionism will take you much further in business than seeking for a version of perfection that doesn't exist.
Don’t stop caring but start caring differently. In classrooms, workplaces, and personal pursuits, we can create cultures that value resilience as much as results. For students, that means celebrating improvement over comparison. For educators and leaders, it means modeling balance and vulnerability, showing that growth thrives in grace.
The Savior never asked for perfection, but for progress. When that truth is understood, the never ending race for perfectionism will become less about arriving and more about becoming.