We all know that one person—whether they’re a coworker, a friend, or a family member—whose comments make people’s heads turn. The one person who’s constantly making negative remarks. The one person who acts like they know everything and you know nothing. The one person who doesn’t take responsibility for problems they create and expects others to fix everything for them. The one person you can’t seem to get along with, no matter what you try.
Amy Gallo’s Getting Along: How to Work with Anyone (Even Difficult People) takes you through eight types of difficult people, the ways their backgrounds may affect their behavior, and tactics to help you reconcile with difficult colleagues.
For some individuals, work relationships may seem unnecessary, as some believe they are complicated, useless, and a waste of time. They would rather wake up, go to work, and come home, with little to no interaction with colleagues. However, Gallo argues that when work relationships are strong, they can act as a source of energy, support, joy, and growth. They are worth the trouble.
Gallo emphasizes the value of workplace relationships by identifying eight common difficult colleague archetypes. Understanding these personalities and their associated behaviors allows individuals to manage workplace interactions more effectively. They include the following:
1. The Insecure Boss: attempts to control everything and worries what people think of them
2. The Pessimist: complains about everything and always has something negative to say
3. The Victim: doesn’t accept responsibility and forecasts failure for themselves
4. The Passive-Aggressive Peer: acts rudely toward you and denies there’s anything wrong between you when you confront them
5. The Know-It-All: positions their own ideas as superior and has the attitude of “my way or the highway”
6. The Tormentor: sets near impossible standards and accuses you of not being committed enough to work
7. The Biased Coworker: makes comments accidentally or purposefully that come off as sexist, transphobic, ageist, or racist
8. The Political Operator: proceeds as if they are in charge (when they are not) and treats only those with power kindly with the agenda of helping their career
While it can be frustrating to deal with any one of these eight colleague types, Gallo explains why individuals may act this way. She is not trying to excuse wrong behavior but rather gives us an insight into potential reasons for their actions. For example, the passive-aggressive peer may behave a certain way due to a fear of failure, lack of knowledge, desire to avoid conflict, or expression of powerlessness. Insight into the psychological factors of a coworker's inconsiderate behavior enables us to show them greater empathy and compassion.
Towards the end of the book, Gallo gives nine overarching principles for how to get along with anyone. Some include focusing on what you can control, not making a “me against them” argument, and experimenting to find what works.
Nowhere does Gallo suggest that difficult colleagues are a problem to be fixed; instead, she emphasizes the importance of self-reflection. Rather, she advises that we “clean up our side of the street” by acknowledging and acting on our part in the struggle (???). If we let our side of the street pile up with bad blood, gossip, raging emotions, or lack of sleep, we are only fueling the argument and making the situation worse. Instead, we should take the time to reflect internally and recognize what we can control in the situation. This type of thinking can create a more productive and positive interaction, focused on what we can do to address our own role and resolving our own issues before expecting others to do the same.
In closing, Gallo emphasizes that your well-being should always be your number one priority. It’s easy to be consumed by conflict with a peer, allowing the disagreement to consume your thoughts both at work and beyond. Even when this is the case, she stresses the importance of focusing on your health and career above all else. In her concluding remarks, Gallo reminds us that disagreement isn’t necessarily bad:
